Ladies: Must you change your Man?

HE SAID:

Before I delve into this subject I have to make two statements:
1) This post in no way pertains to those of you that "size" a man up for his "potential" within the first couple of weeks. You know, what you can make of him. Frankly your problems run much deeper and it's a subject I may or may not get into at a later date.
2) Disclaimer: I in no way shape or form consulted with or discussed with Maria the contents of this post before publishing it. She may or may not chose to reply.

This is an age-old question us men ask, "Why do you want to change us?"
I've always maintained that People don't change. It's true for a man or a woman, it's encoded in our DNA. The facts are, if your a jackass, you were born that way. The degree of jackassery can change from one year to the next, but it'll always be there. That being said let me clarify a little further. You can change learned behaviors, such as organizational skills and time management. Granted, behaviors such as these can have a drastic changes in ones life and relationship.
Let's take a simple example: When you met your man he liked to drink beer with his buddies. Three years later he still does this a couple of times a week, and usually at home. But now this upsets you. Why? Didn't it bother you in the first few months? Or did you think he'd outgrow it.

Just because we're men doesn't mean we're stupid. Here's an example from my life. I smoke cigarettes. I know they are bad for me and I fully intend to quit again one day very soon. Now, I am very, very proud of Maria for having quit. And although I'm trying now, until I give it everything I know I won't fully quit. So I don't really need to be reminded how bad it is every day. Hell, it's on the radio, tv and every 4th billboard on highway 98.

Let's put a little different perspective on this. The relationship side of things.
We are MEN. Hunters, stalkers of prey, problem solvers, solution for everything, beat our chests full of pride stubborn asses... Get the point?

When you make an attempt to change us in any way, you are inadvertently attacking our pride. The natural instinct for self-preservation is to become stubborn. Now, once the stubborn button has been pushed the entire chemistry of our being changes. We become protector. We shut down. Sometimes even withdrawing. And what did we accomplish? Nothing.

So what's the answer? As far as I can see it the best possible solution is to work on the learned behaviors, including communication. Now don't take this the wrong way, you can't just walk up to your man and say "we need to work on communication". It's never going to work. It's really no different than telling him "you suck at communicating, you need to practice". No, it must be a stealth approach. Understanding can be the key to everything.

Really ladies, do we tell you which way to curl your hair in the morning?

And that's our lesson for week one.

SHE SAID:

Oh, you bet your ass she chose to respond!

I would just like to say that, for the record, or the schmecord, or whatever that wanting you to quit smoking is really not trying to change someone. Tony, I am not trying to change you.

What men fail to understand is a woman's inside desire to take care of everyone. Who does a child naturally want when they are sick? Who typically runs the household and takes care of everyone in it? Who typically takes the kids to doctor and dentist appointments and makes sure everyone eats? The women do. Nothing at all against men, because just the other day the daycare called saying that Nick was sick and had to be picked up and I was taking a test that morning and Tony was right there, picking him up. And I can also say that Tony steps up and will help out washing and drying clothes (FOLDING is too hard to do, so that does not get done. They just get thrown on the couch, but that is another blog entirely.) But on the whole, in the big picture, women do the "taking care" of the family.

That's my first point.

My second point is that I am in nursing school. I am seeing and taking care of patients with COPD who insist on lugging their oxygen out to the smoking garden outside so they can "enjoy" their cigarette. I see emphysemia patients that can get the air in.. but can't get the air out of their lungs. I have to suction brown goop out of patients lungs'. Lung cancer. Heart disease. If someone is a "do not resusitate" patient, it means that when they can't get anymore breaths in and out, it's over for them. Can you imagine dying from not being able to breathe air? It is beat into my head every single chapter that smoking is a risk factor for just about every disease known to man. And yes, everyone knows someone who smoked since they were 5 and didn't die from lung cancer. Maybe you will be lucky, maybe not, but is your life and your quality of life worth the risk?

Ok, stepping down off my soap box now.