Wedding Bells Get Louder

SHE SAID:

So last Christmas, Tony totally got down on one knee and proposed marriage to me. It was beautiful, he gave me a gorgeous diamond ring, made me cry... I had no clue he was going to do that.

We started talking wedding plans right away. And by "we" I meant me. I knew who my bridesmaids were, called them in the first 10 minutes to see if they were ready for duty, which of course they were. I immediately changed my facebook status from "in a relationship" to "engaged" and updated my status. I want a big wedding, all of our families there. I want a princess wedding dress and I want my dad to walk me down the aisle ... and I want to serve southwest cheese paninis and stuffed mushrooms for hors d'oeuvres and have a band play for us.

Then the economy hit us.

And it became difficult to find work for me. I had work, but the pay wasn't great .. Tony's work slowed. So I decided to go back to school and become a nurse, which I am pursuing at the moment and Tony is working and is going back to school as well.

And the more I think about wedding plans, the more I'm positive I don't want a big wedding. So we decided to fly to Vegas and get married by Elvis. Or a guy that impersonates him anyway. I'm still planning on a wedding dress and a bouquet of flowers.. just not the stuffed mushrooms and paninis.

HE SAID:

So yeah... I pulled the whole romantic-surprise-with-the-ring-on-one-knee thing. It was cute.

And weddings? As men we don't grow up making and remaking our wedding plans. It's something that just happens. Or in most cases something that our fiance makes happen since it's her dreams from childhood that have been culminating to this point. If she wants a big wedding, I'm sure we'll make it happen. Though I'd say it won't be easy all things considered, but is it ever easy? I've never heard anyone say it was.

Vegas... now that sounds like a man's type of wedding to me. Stay at the Bellagio a couple of nights, gamble a bit and drink a few. Then go to the chapel for the real gamble.

But Elvis? (No offense to the king and all)

How about John Wayne.

Just an idea Maria.

Turkey Day

SHE SAID:

So it's Thanksgiving again. It's so true what people say about the years just flying by, because I feel like Thanksgiving 2009 was just 2 months ago and I was hanging out with my sweet little sister and my Dad and brother and the rest of my family in Chicago and Tony's wonderful mom in Indiana.

Traveling just was not in the cards for us this year. We are working on a little bit of reinvention, also called nursing school for me, and Tony has a few projects that he's working on himself. I miss my family up north. I really wish I could be there. Next year we'll definitely be traveling again.

This year, I made a menu for everyone to "order" off of, just like a restaurant. I'm making 3 different pies and 4 other kinds of desserts, turkey, dressing, and all the other wonderful thanksgiving sides that were picked off of the menu. Then I'll be putting up Christmas decorations at some point over the weekend... probably in my shorts and flip flops with the air conditioner running if this weather doesn't cool off.

Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend.

HE SAID:

Thanksgiving is my "holiday" so to speak. For the past several years the boys and I have traveled to Indiana, and the last two years we had Maria and her boys and of course Nicholas last year. Then we made the trip to Chicago to top it all off. This year we get to enjoy Thanksgiving at home.

Here I am at midnight the night before just finishing up some deserts. But tomorrow the cooking begins. And we both enjoy that. The important part of Thanksgiving for me is being able to relax. I get my 5 to 7 days to rest and recharge my batteries for the coming year, and it's always needed. There is nothing that can come between me and a relaxing week with my family.

That is of course unless Maria gets out the Christmas decorations too soon....

Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!

Quotable Quotes

"Throughout your life you will meet one person who is unlike any other. You could talk to this person for hours and never get bored. You could tell them things and they wouldn't judge you. This amazing person is you soul mate and your best friend. Don't ever let them go." ~Author Unknown

"I pity the man who spends his entire life searching for the perfect woman. And I pity him more should he ever find her." ~Benjamin Franklin

HE SAID:

The last thing I want to do is be chauvinistic. But I'd bet my last dollar the unknown author above was a woman. Why do I say that? I have a couple of reasons. But I believe this is the person Mr. Franklin was warning us men about.

So did anyone else notice how clingy said author is? "...talk for hours..." and "...don't ever let them go." Don't get me wrong, I love talking with Maria. She is an extremely intelligent woman with a very strong personal opinion. Our conversations are interesting. But, she also knows there is that time when I need to retreat to the "cave" to chill for a while. Talk time is over at that point whether it's been 15 min or 1 hour. And yes, I know when she's done also.
And then you are never to let them go? What if they have somewhere to be? Are you going to hold them against their will? Sounds a little mental to me. We could go so far as to say this person has stalker tendencies.

That was just the "what if" part, here is the meat and potatoes of it so try to keep up. This woman apparently will not settle for anything that doesn't fit the bill of being her "soul mate". And good for her. But say after a couple years of everything being perfect she decides one day that you don't listen good enough, or long enough, or better yet you seem to be getting judgemental. Well now, I guess you weren't the "one" and it's time to move on.

Sounds kind of judgemental to me. Just saying.

SHE SAID:

Wow. I never knew you could read so much into such a beautiful quote. Kind of makes the whole thing seem dirty now. Like it has ulterior motives.

This quote actually reminded me of when Tony and I first met. We would talk on the phone for hours and hours ... until we'd fall asleep... or until Tony would lose his voice for a couple of days. (True story-- you should have seen him trying to coach his boys' baseball team with no voice). We never stopped staring at each other. And the kissing and the smiling was constant. Like a couple of teenagers. Tony would spout off some "did you know ... " information on me and I'd melt like only geeks do and cling to his every word. We would tell each other our hopes and dreams and they all seemed so possible and attainable... even if the dream was to become a Vegas showgirl (Don't laugh -Tony has really nice legs).

All jokes aside, the very things Tony chided the anonymous author on are the very things he loves about me. I can prove it. Being clingy? I'm clingy when it comes to social settings where there are a lot of people. I don't get comfortable very easily, so I'm usually on Tony's arm. He loves being my "protector". And never wanting to let them go? Ask him about the time I cried (real tears) for 2 days because I wanted to go with him on a trip and he said no. He told me that I was "cute" but I still couldn't go.

Over-analyzing the quote is just his way of showing love. Just sayin.

Challenge Blvd

SHE SAID:

There are more than enough challenges for a relationship to endure without adding to them. For Tony and I, the challenges seem to come easy for us so far, as we really get along great and rarely fight and argue. We have discussions, sometimes, which turn into him getting what I'm trying to say and finally breaking down and agreeing with me so I'll shut up. Pretty simple, right?

I guess the only challenge (for lack of a better term) for us is a certain situation that tends to rear its ugly head every couple of months or so. A situation (again, for lack of a better term) in which we have gone pro at ignoring thus far. I mean, if there were an Olympic gold medal at ignoring we'd clearly win. Even as it continually gets louder and more obnoxious each time, we are quite content in our home adoring each other, living our lives.

But now we are thinking that our home should be a few hundred miles farther away ....


HE SAID:

I know everyone has heard the saying: "A relationship takes hard work." Well I have news for you. I already have a job that's plenty hard, especially in these times. My relationship shouldn't be another job. And it isn't. Sure, Maria gets angry with me from time to time. I'm a man, enough said. As men all we have to remember is to apologize. Seriously, tomorrow wake up and say three "I'm sorry"'s. But that's for another blog.
The thing to know here is we really do get along great.

Here's another one for you. A man's home is his castle. It's my sanctuary. This is where I go to get away from everything out in the world that ticks me off. So what do you do when the world breaches the lines of that sanctuary? We've chosen to ignore the majority of it, which is where Maria and I have reached the point of being experts. But now? Not only has the breach been widened but the dust has been blown completely off my shelves.

Seriously, it isn't Maria or myself that I am ever concerned about. We're adults, we can handle our own. No... It's the children that are affected by any and all disturbances. I have always said kids don't deserve our grown-up bulls*** or problems.
We don't want to leave, we like it here. Beaches, and salt water... Always something for the kids to do from kites to movies on the pier.

But have you ever heard of building your castle in a storm cloud?

Hermit

SHE SAID:

I am the person who loves to smile and be around people. I like to make people laugh and I like to laugh. In fact, the second I'm not smiling, I usually have people asking me what's wrong. Tony says I'm a people person.

So can you feel two different ways about the same thing? Because on most days, I'm oh so happy to be by myself... in quiet solitude, just me and my thoughts and daydreams and my books and myself and I. I'm quite content by myself. I swear I could become a hermit one day and live in the woods and grow a long white beard... well, maybe it wouldn't be long, per se.

But you get the idea.


He Said:

Maria talks a great game on the hermit front. But have you ever seen her facebook page? All of those people and comments, it drives me crazy.
What Maria really has is societal separation disease. (I just made that up) But it is where the patient really likes people, but doesn't want to be around them. Enter facebook, or myspace or any other social networking page you can think of. Now the patient can chat with and be friends with all these people and never have to be around them.

On the other hand just the mere breathing of people tends to annoy me. I don't trust people, trust has to be earned. And in my experience, if someone's lips are moving they are most likely lying. Feeling this way has a tendency to make it difficult to be around people. Which is why most of the time I work alone.
So, a hermit in the mountains fishing for trout? That I can relate to...

The Things About You

SHE SAID:

I am often reminded not to take a single day, moment, or breath for granted. So, I've decided to write a list of my 10 favorite things about Tony and why he's the best.

10. He is a walking encyclopedia of useless information. And my inner geek is fascinated by it.

9. Tony can not only fix my car if something goes wrong, he will always change the oil for me and fill up my windshield washer fluid. This is important since Tony and I have been together over 2 years now, I have been driving with a license for 14 years now and out of those 14 years, about 11 of those years I have had NO windshield washer fluid in my car. You do the math.

8. He buys me flowers.

7. I love the way he grabs me in the middle of the kitchen when we're cooking dinner and asks me to dance with him.

6. He will never leave the house or let me leave the house in the morning, no matter how big of a hurry I'm in, without telling me he loves me and giving me a kiss and telling me to have a great day.

5. He texts me on days I have a test at school to tell me good luck!

4. He locks the doors and windows at night. And if I hear a noise, he will investigate. Although, sometimes he scares the crap out of me and pulls out a gun and starts loading it or pulls out a baseball bat to investigate with.

3. Tony is a great father. He thoroughly enjoys his children and it shows! I fall in love with him more when I see him with baby Nick sleeping on his chest, taking pictures with Tasha, working on cars with Cody, building rockets with Denver, helping Joseph with math homework, or discussing books with Anthony. He is an excellent role model for all of the kids.

2. Tony is a very hard worker. He works hard every day for our family and never complains about it. Ever. Even now where he has to pick up more slack because I'm in school.

1. He is my best friend. I know people use that cliche much too often, but I really can talk to him about anything in the world and he always has my back. He is supportive and encouraging and he pushes me to be a better person, mom, friend, and he never wavers... even when I doubt myself.

HE SAID:

The least I can say is I'm flattered. Especially about the useless information part. I take great pride in knowing there are approximately 44,000 miles of coastline in Alaska, and that the capital of Texas once sat in the Louisiana Territory by mistake!

But seriously, of everything I could say about Maria there is one that stands out. One that took me completely by surprise the first time I saw it, and never ceases to amaze me. When someone does me wrong, it tends to anger me to a degree. But Maria on the other hand will turn red with anger over someone doing me wrong. If it meant correcting that wrong she would stand in the fires of hell.

And of course there's the little things that too often we overlook. The note hanging above my computer from her, the days she pops in where I'm working just to say hello, and some days to bring me lunch.

But the thing I admire about Maria the most is her refusal to be one of life's victims. Regardless what has happened or is happening to her, she will never cry the victim role. If it's a person causing the problems she'll cut them out of her life quickly, and if it's a situation she'll learn from it and move on. That I feel is deserving of my admiration.

Yes, we could use the best friend thing to encompass everything. Regardless whether you find someone you feel you could share everything with you rarely find someone you want to share it all with. There's a certain level of understanding we've realized that makes life easy and enjoyable together, there's no need to hide or lie to each other about anything due to that.
And finally it's nice to know that she shares a lot of the same values in raising children as I do. It's helping me grow as a parent and all of my children grow into adulthood.

HE SAID:

I've chosen to write this blog as a Congratulatory to Maria. Two weeks ago she finished her first semester at Nursing School and did extremely well.

But now the part that impresses me the most. She just returned from Chicago last night. Today and tomorrow she has to get ready for her school on Monday, which includes the college bookstore. She has one boy to get ready for middle school and another for elementary school. They both also start on Monday. Not only has she almost finished all of this, but she found time to apply for a part time job.

So I extent to Maria a pat on the back, which as a man I'm sure I don't do very often.

SHE SAID:

I'll take the pat on the back. It feels good to be appreciated every once in a while, even if it's for things you are supposed to be doing anyway. It will not be easy this year with all 3 boys in different schools/daycare. With both of us working together we will come out just fine.

I just have to be careful and not show off all of my superwoman talents at once... It could backfire, you know.

Respect

SHE SAID:

At first I thought it was cute, but he was serious.

Tony invited me to help him out on a job. He is remodeling 3 strip mall spaces to make one big restaurant. All that has to be done is tile, painting the walls (I call dibs!), and some other minor jobs.... I happily agree. This could be fun. And I get to spend time with Tony - the best part.

Nobody told me that this type of work will make my body feel like someone had ahold of my arms and legs and were all pulling in opposite directions for the ENTIRE day. I am used to showering in the morning and getting ready for work, doing my hair and getting dressed up, spraying on a bit of perfume.. and now I'm showering in the evening as soon as I get home to get the crap off of me. I haven't fixed my hair other than ponytails in 6 weeks now.

Now I know why men and women were not created equal. Men are built for this kind of work. I look over at Tony, he's full of energy, working hard barely breaking a sweat, his hair blowing so gracefully in the breeze of the fans running, moving easily, and then I look at myself. I'm dripping sweat, my clothes are sticking to me, the humidity has obviously gotten to my hair... and I'm struggling to pry the lid off the can of paint.

I must say, though, that I do enjoy working with Tony. I have great respect for him and what he does when he goes to work. He says we make a great team and just imagine what other jobs we could work together on...

Uh. Oh.

He Said:

I may have a sarcastic, some even say mean sense of humor (though I fail to see it) but I never joke about work. (cute?)

It was a big job with a lot of headaches. Mainly the owners and vendors. So it was a no brainer to get Maria to help. For one she makes a damn good painter, and frankly was a bigger critic of her own work than I was. Which is saying something. But even when the paint was drying, when most painters would be watching it, Maria was looking for something to do. And most of the time could figure something out before coming to me.

So, yes I enjoyed her being there. And she picks things up quickly, a fast learner. Now one of the most important notes, it's a lot more enjoyable having lunch with her than with the hired help.

Now if someone could fill me in on why she won't come out to the next job I'm doing....

Subtlety

SHE SAID:

I was a bit perplexed today when Tony called me to inform me that the assistant school nurse where my son goes to school called Tony to tell him that my son scraped his finger.

He scraped his finger? Do I need to pick him up? No, it was just a scrape and they sent him back to class.

Ummhmm. Some women have no couth at all. Don't we know what "subtle" is anymore? The last time she called Tony was to tell him that my son said his stomach hurt, but they sent him back to class. When the baby was days old, I had to go up to the school for something and Tony drove me up there and she said that the baby was cute and she knows "where he gets his cuteness from" and looked at Tony the entire time she was talking.

I'm not mad, rather I'm flattered. The fact that the assistant school nurse has a crush on Tony is kind of cute. She's not the first.

HE SAID:

She's not the first? What have I been reduced to... Eye candy? Seriously folks, I feel so violated.

According to the nurse she attempted to call Maria first. But since we all know that Maria doesn't believe in setting up her voicemail how could she get the message. Then again, now that I think about it the first time the nurse called about the stomach ache she left a message on the home phone first, then called me...

Now I have to say that the nurse made it sound like a lot more than a scrape. When she described the incident in question I had visions of the skin peeled back from the fingernail to the knuckle. You know, white bone shining, ligaments twisting like a robotic finger. She then assured me that he was fine, back in class and just wanted us to know so we didn't freak out when he came home from school today.

Okay then... If the bone isn't broken or showing, or the child isn't bleeding to death, wouldn't a simple note suffice? He is a boy by all rights, these things do happen. In fact as I understood the entire thing he wasn't crying or asking for his mama, not once.

V Day

SHE SAID:

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! I hope it was enjoyed by everyone. Mine was delightful.

Now as a woman, I had 2 options. I could have either expected Tony to (1) remember that it's Valentine's Day and (2) expect him to get me something and sulked when he forgot or didn't get me what I had been hinting at for the past couple of months.... OR I could just tell him what I want.

I chose the latter. I told him that I wanted to go out and eat with him, and get a sitter for the boys... and that's exactly what we did.

We went to eat at Franco's and their tortellini alfredo was to die for. It was excellent. And Tony and I talked and laughed and joked... it really was a nice time. We shared a bottle of wine, and took bites of each other's food. It was sweet.

And I forgot all about our hectic week. I forgot about everything for a little while. I was focused on Tony and how nice he looked all dressed up, and great conversation. I'm a lucky girl.

Happy Valentine's Day


HE SAID:

Sometimes I get such a raw deal. As though I would ever forget Valentines day. (forget the past blog)

Alright so dinner was her idea. I have no problem with that. And yes "Franco's" was great, we will definitely be back there to eat again soon. Great food, great conversation, what more do you need?

But now I have to pat myself on the back for a short minute. This morning she was utterly surprised to find a rose and a heart shaped plant when she awoke.

So let's just say I've been her favorite man today.

Memory Lapse

He Said:

In our day to day struggles to survive, if we are paying attention, we learn simple, easier ways to get along. As we all know there are very important things about men that women don't understand. And vice versa. Now, from my standpoint I don't think a woman should try to understand, just know these things exist.

Take for instance the fact that men can, at times have one track minds. This doesn't mean that we can only think of one item at a time. It's that one thing takes front stage, whether it's the right thing or not. For example, it's your birthday, anniversary, the day the world stood still for you, and your man forgets. Throw him under the bus and hope it backs up and gets him a second time. Right? Sure the first thoughts you have are it's unforgivable, and he just doesn't really love you. Hell a friend would remember and your man couldn't.

At this point I could write several hundred excuses on why he would forget. Most likely when he went to bed the night before there was something pressing on his mind, and it was the only thing when he woke up. Now, that may be just an excuse, but the fact remains that it happened, and will happen at times in the future. So now what? Sure he could be traded in for a new model, but if you think the new one won't forget at times, think again.

Now ladies, I know we tend to ask a lot of patience from you on many aspects of your life. This is just one of them. Take this blog for instance. Has anyone noticed how each entry starts with She Said:? It's not because I can't write my own, it's because I get "busy" with 10 other things. And Maria very quietly will start several ideas and mention them to me. She has been known to mention it to me three or four days in a row. I can only imagine how this frustrates her. And then there are times that I'll do better.

Now I'd like to end this long winded excursion with a note for the men. One of the oldest sayings I can remember is "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

Think about it...

SHE SAID:

A Woman's Job Titles: Cook, Housekeeper, Accountant, Taxi Driver, Laundry Machine Operator, Referee, Dog Groomer, Babysitter, Dishwasher, Appointment Scheduler, Manicurist, Barber/Beautician, Teacher, Doctor/Nurse, Homework Tutor, and Psychologist

A Man's Job Titles: Landscaper, Trash Mogul, Security, and Lord of the TV Remote


The note for the men at the end of Tony's should have been: "KEEP NOTES".

Yes, keep notes. Buy a little 75 cent pocket notebook and a pack of bic pens and keep notes.

That's all I have to say about that.

I could go on and on and point out how women are not allowed to forget things, so why should we have to cut men slack for it? Women are expected to do the majority of things around the house (see above for reference). What do men do? (Again, see above for reference).

I'm not saying that women don't have patience. Most of the time, reminding Tony is just part of life. And even when he forgets things that I have reminded him about several times and then will have the nerve to say, "Why didn't you tell/remind me?", I still love him. I do.

Just with a clenched jaw and squinted eyes.

Keeping Secrets

SHE SAID:

Okay, I think we've found a woman's weakness. (Finally, sheesh)

So a woman has a harder time keeping a secret... well, secret. I place the blame squarely where it belongs: On men. Yes, you just read that right. I blame men! If men were better communicators, women wouldn't have to talk so much. It's like we have to do the talking for ourselves, our kids, and for our man. And sometimes that talking can lead to spilling things that wouldn't normally be spilled.... like secrets.

And for the men out there that think it's possible for a woman to keep a secret -- you are wrong. She has told at minimum two other people. Most likely the people that she told the secret to don't count because it was "out of necessity" or it's because it was her brother or sister or best friend... and we don't keep secrets from them. That's what separates the best friend from other friends and acquaintances -- secrets. Friends don't know your secrets, best friends do.

So the next time you have a secret, you better keep it ... well, secret!

He Said:

A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men.
Excited to prove to his wife that he had been right all along when he accused her of talking too much, he showed her the study results. It read "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000".
The wife thought for a while, then finally she said to her husband "It's because we have to repeat everything we say."
The husband said "What?"

So how does this all apply to secrets? Let's look at the numbers in the joke. I did some research and couldn't come up with any factual evidence for the 15,000 and 30,000. But I did find some research where men and women wore recorders for two days and the words were counted. Yes, women talk more than men. In that research men averaged just under 6,000 words per day where women were around 9,000. When you have that many words to use how can you keep anything a secret.

I tried to say 9,000 words one day. I ended up losing my voice for two days. It seems men are allotted a certain amount, then we are shut down for repairs.

But how can you put the blame on men? We aren't "bad" communicators, we just aren't programmed to talk as much as women. And frankly we really aren't dying to hear your secrets.

You know the old adage, "Some things are better left unsaid."? It's good advice. That's why we call them secrets.

In closing, all my research led me to develop this philosophy: When you are speaking to someone and about to divulge a secret, it can only mean that you have run out of things to talk about that day, but still have plenty of words to go to reach your allotment.

Webster defines reinvention like this:

Main Entry: re·in·vent

Pronunciation: \ˌrē-ən-ˈvent\

Function: transitive verb

Date: 1686

1 : to make as if for the first time something already invented the wheel>
2 : to remake or redo completely
3 : to bring into use again

— re·in·ven·tion \-ˈven(t)-shən\ noun

She Said:

This is our household's "word of the year" for 2009. Like many other families, we were faced with a tough year financially this year. After giving birth in May, it was quite the challenge to find work. In our area of approximately 300,000 people, over 23,000 people are unemployed. Fortunately for us, we survived this year, and we are certainly looking forward to a new year with new hope.

And a little reinvention.

After studying algebra and science for 6 days straight, I took the Nursing Entrance Exam, and 2 other required tests, and PASSED!! I am a candidate for the Practical Nursing program at PJC. I am most excited. They fill the classes on a "first completed, first seated" basis, and I am crossing my fingers and toes that I was able to get everything in on time and can start class in June. My ultimate goal is to become a RN. I am going to take classes this spring to fill the pre-req's for that program so that I can start as soon as I finish the practical nursing.

Funny how things can change in the course of a year. One year ago, I was not thinking of going into nursing. Six months of looking for work and being frustrated is guiding me down this path.

He Said:

I couldn't have picked a better word for the year. I am extremely proud of Maria for passing her exams. Frankly they were difficult, very difficult.

And yes, our finances this year were a roller coaster ride worthy of 6 flags. I fought with my own work in that at the beginning of 2009 I had more than I could handle and considered hiring more help. Then as the economy faded, so did the work.

On the upside we were blessed with a healthy baby boy, and we saw the photography business slowly pick up some steam. But on the note of reinvention, I am once again getting my CDL license. I dropped it many years ago because I didn't drive truck any longer, and now have to take the driving portion of the test again to get the license back. I am doing it to supplement our income and help a friend in need of a driver.

I really had never planned on driving again. But if I had any advice for someone looking for work I would have to say be as diverse as you possibly can.