Hormonal Mess

SHE SAID:

Maybe it was the way his voice sang out sweetly that caused me to snap.

I'm in the bathroom, trying to pee while trying to keep my eyes semi-closed. (If they were all the way open, that would mean I was completely awake, and I just wasn't ready to wake up yet, dammit.) Tony is holding a crying baby. I need to hurry up so I can feed him.

"You almost done, honey?" Tony sings out sweetly.

"Can't I freakin go to the bathroom UNinterrupted -- EVER?"

The moment I said it, I knew the answer: No. Never. Ever. I open up the bathroom door and glared at him. Taking the baby from him so that I can feed him, I never took my eyes off of him. He looks back innocently and says, with all of the sincerity and sweetness and understanding in the world, "Oh, you must have started your period. I'm sorry."

Sorry? Sorry? For what? Sorry that I am a hormonal mess? Or are you sorry that I get to bleed for days and days without dying? Ugh. Sorry. Could it ever occur to him that I might not be starting my period? It could be that he did something to piss me off, and I was just mad. It could have been one of the kids make me mad.... It COULD have been that I was just in a bad mood.

I am allowed to be in a bad mood. Sometimes.

Dear Mr. PMS,
(I say Mr. because only a man would be so cruel.) I hate you so much, I wish you would die.
Love,
Maria

HE SAID:

Well, well, well. Seems we need to put some perspective into this discussion. A man's perspective.

You see ladies, if a man pays attention just a little over the course of a year he can tell you within the hour when your period is going to begin. That's right, an hour before you know he could tell you. "How can this be possible?" you ask. Let me show you.

Notice how Maria said her eyes were semi-closed. No she wasn't waking up, it is a side effect known as the PMS Glare. The eyes narrow to a slit and small black rings appear below them. This glare usually begins approximately 2 hours before the fireworks. Amateur males should never attempt to look into these eyes. The damage can be irreversible.
The other important thing to look for is The Stalking. This is a system by which the female will miss "nothing" that is wrong or out of place. Upon noticing there will usually be a "hmph" and if no one answers the next thing is an accusation of guilt.

But let's take a look at the more important part of her story. Notice how I was kind and endearing, that is a tried and true survival plan. Sure I could be cursed for using a phrase like "I'm sorry" but what is the alternative? Getting mad at her would only make things that much worse, because now she isn't just dealing with PMS, but we've just thrown a full fledged argument in her face, bad move.

To summarize; let's be honest here. As men we have all the respect in the world for a woman who has to deal with bleeding for days (quite the feat) and the hormonal issues that come every month. But as far as the "Can't I just be in a bad mood" thing, be careful using that one. We have our share of bad days where everyone is a piece of sh** and we'd love to rip their heads off, but you have to draw the distinction between these two issues. One can last for days, the other one we can usually cope with by having a beer and hanging out in the back yard for a few hours.

Some other time we'll deal with this issue of men being more cruel than women. hahaha

Tony